The Common Self-Heal Dries
June 20–24, Amherst, MA USA
Seasonal Memoir #10
Tina has gone full paleo on us. No, not the diet, but old-school brick oven cooking, like the cave people. OK, our distant ancestors likely weren’t making pizza over the fire, but they could have with this piece of DIY technology. There is something deeply satisfying with putting five times the effort and time over what is necessary into something like cooking a meal over an open fire. It must tap deep into our DNA.
Have my first case of poison ivy to contend with, compliments of getting carried away weeding around the yard. No gloves or long sleeves when doing it. What a dope! Good to see that I can still learn lessons the hard way at age fifty.
Our son, Zach, turned 18 this week, and I thought I’d share the text of the hand-written letter I gave to him, for posterity:
Dear Zach,
Mom had the excellent idea to write you a letter for your 18th birthday. She’s good like that! I composed this letter on the flight back from Portland, on Father’s Day. I love that your milestone is back-to-back with this day, as becoming a father was the most meaningful and rewarding thing I have done in my life.
Mom and I could not have hoped for anything more than what you and Cam have become: smart, hard-working, funny, ethical, and kind children — people who we want to be with more than anybody else. Of course, turning 18 means you are not a child anymore, but rather an adult, one who can vote, drive, pay taxes (ha), etc., and I’m sure a bunch of other “adulting” things. While I do think it’s time that you get your own Apple ID (what are these apps that keep showing up on my home screen?), I hope you don’t decide to grow up too quickly. There is plenty of time for responsibilities, worry, and full-time work. But I’m happy to say that life, while never without stress or disappointment, does get better the older you get! But it doesn’t happen automatically, and it doesn’t happen by chance.
You have always done well in school, and have the grades to show it. We are proud of your achievement, but even more proud of who you are and how your teachers talk about you. Character is more important to us than grades, or getting into a certain college, or getting a high-paying job. We want you to be happy, have as much money and things as you need (and no more), and feel like you are making the world a better place. It is about your contribution, not whether you win the game or not. (There are plenty of people who have won the game, and are miserable.)
As I mentioned to you the other day, it really doesn’t matter which university you attend, as long as you study hard and make the college experience work for you. Then, you can decide what graduate school (or not) looks like, where you can then specialize and follow your passions. We very much want you to feel good about where you are next year and the experience you’ll have with your classmates. So don’t feel pressure from us! So don’t feel pressure from us! (I wrote this twice because it’s important and true!)
So enjoy your 18th birthday, and know that mom and I love you and Cam unconditionally, which simply means we will always love you, even if you make mistakes. Just keep doing what you’re doing, keep trying to be better, and try to give more than you take. I can’t wait to see what awaits you in life.
xoxo
Dad
