The North Wind Brushes the Leaves
November 28 — December 1, Hunenberg, Switzerland
Seasonal Memoir #41
Before I arrived at the school I volunteered to help coach varsity boys basketball in the winter (I learned later that the athletic director finds it hard to secure BB coaches because of the long season). But I have to say, the experience thus far has surpassed my expectations. I forgot how much I love coaching athletics. As I continue to try to find where I can make an impact as an interim Principal, basketball has ticked so many boxes: the team dynamic; the lesson planning for a good practice; the fun of being sporty (even tangentially); seeing young people grow their skills; the thrill of a real game. And while I still feel like a third wheel on the varsity team (though I led a practice recently, in my socks, because my 20 year old shoes literally exploded when used again), I jumped at the chance to coach the JV Boys Club team. These are the kids who were cut from the JV team during tryouts, but badly want to keep playing ball. I work with them on Tuesdays. It’s a blast!
I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health, both from a personal/family perspective, but also in general terms. Advocating for mental health (via stress culture work, and mindfulness) has been my thing over my career, and the time feels ripe for deliberate action. With the stigma of talking about the state of one’s mental health mostly gone, and with the added stress brought on by the pandemic, I’m ready to design and deliver a comprehensive approach to well-being. I’ve been experimenting with strategies at our school (such as “clearing the decks”, where you systematically take meetings off the calendar as you approach school breaks, when people’s energies are depleted), with the plan to go 10x with this work at my next leadership opportunity in India (in 2022 and beyond). More on this in next week’s seasonal memoir post…
Asked by the school to write an article for its magazine, I chose the topic of mental health, which I humbly share here:
“The Case for our Attention to the Mental Health of our Children”
We are blessed to work with kind, curious, compliant, and hard-working students at (our school). Our families believe in our mission, and support our world-class faculty and staff. The pandemic has only brought the school community closer. But it has also amplified a long-standing global concern about the mental well-being of our young people. In a recent Stanford University survey, middle and high school students reported that school absences were frequently due to mental or physical health problems associated with stress, average sleep on weeknights was well below the recommended 9 hours, and grades and exams was the top source of stress and anxiety. We have seen these trends at (our school). While our students have been able to get their daily doses of well-being by being back in school, learning and socializing with their friends, they are also getting their daily doses of stress as their free time has all but evaporated.
When we refer to mental health, we mean our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act, and how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices (MentalHealth.gov). Why is mental health important in the school context? The cases are compelling.
1. Mental health is part of overall health, and just as we cannot forsake our physical well-being, we cannot ignore our mental well-being without significant negative consequences (physical sickness being one of them).
2. A student’s happiness should be important to all of us. Happy students, who experience joy while learning, lead to greater achievement and growth, and retention of what they’ve learned in school.
3. A student who is in a good place mentally will perform at a higher level (in all aspects of school) than somebody who isn’t. It’s intuitive. Without psychological safety or stability, learning simply cannot happen.
Thankfully, there are reasons for optimism as we navigate this pandemic. Young people are generally more resilient than adults, and we see many of our students thriving in school. We see them engaged in learning and being active again in clubs, activities, service, and sports. This generation, over all others before it, is comfortable talking about their state of mental health (even if they are concerned about it). The topic is thankfully no longer taboo; speaking openly about one’s struggles is a crucial first step toward addressing it. The majority of young people access mental health services at school over other places, and our counselors, teachers, nurses, staff, and administrators have opened their doors for this service, even though it can feel overwhelming at times.
The school itself has a critical role to play in promoting mental health. It is imperative to offer high-quality learning experiences (over rote learning experiences that do not promote thinking), to foster a culture of care and kindness (where we know deeply all of our students), and perhaps most importantly, lessen the attention on and importance of grades and high-stakes exams. We have much more work to do in this respect.
What can we as parents and adults do to support the mental fitness of our children? Fortunately, there are many behaviors and strategies that research and anecdotal evidence have shown effective:
- First and foremost, listen to what your children are saying about their well being and their struggle to manage their workload or social stressors. This simple act can sometimes be all they need at that moment.
- Look for signs that something more serious may be going on, such as a disengagement from school or from friends, or a flat demeanor.
- Monitor belonging, which is intertwined with well being, ensuring your children feel they have a squad within the broader (our school) or Swiss community.
- Avoid catastrophizing mistakes or poor grades at school. We need to teach our children perspective.
- Promote your children’s voice and agency, helping them feel that they can exert some control over their own mental well-being, and that they see their choices leading to success.
- Love your children unconditionally, and let them know that whatever happens in school or in life, you will always love them.
- Intervene to arrange professional help, such as therapy, if you feel it is warranted. Counseling can come from school, and therapy can come from local professionals, or even from telehealth (if wait times are prohibitive in our area).
- Finally, and this is something that turns the attention back on us, co-regulate with your children, which means navigate these difficult times together. Children learn powerful lessons about how to cope with stress through our management of our own stress. Show children how to practice gratitude, how to be compassionate, how to be vulnerable, and how to be resilient.
Stanford’s ChallengeSuccess.org was a source for this article, and is a resource I highly recommend for students and parents.
